


My drunken slip

by Emilace



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Episode Fix-it, Episode: s05e21 My Fallen Idol, Gay Panic, M/M, The Sacred Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilace/pseuds/Emilace
Summary: AU version of My Fallen Idol (5x21). What if after JD visits Dr Cox they decide to go on a binge drinking bonding session together? These are the consequences.
Relationships: Perry Cox/John "JD" Dorian, Perry Cox/Jordan Sullivan
Comments: 41
Kudos: 48





	1. Wake up

**Author's Note:**

> I have been wanting to return to writing for a long time and decided to take the plunge after re-watching scrubs and realising how much I used to love this pairing!
> 
> If you can give me some constructive criticism I'd really appreciate it!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

JD woke up to blinding sunlight piecing through his tent, head feeling like someone had driven Sasha over it and body feeling like it had been dragged through a clothes wringer. Yep, he had clearly had too many appletinis last night and it was coming back to haunt him.

He tried to recall the reason for this state. He has not been black out drunk for probably years, but all he could remember was going to Dr Cox's home to cheer him up. Apparently scotch hangovers are worse than appletini ones.

He felt a sense of calm wash over him despite his raging headache and aching back, feeling pleased that he had got Dr Cox out of his depression spiral, despite the hangover from hell which accompanied this. JD knew the other man had not uttered a word all day, yet one speech from him and the other man had felt able to talk again.

If this achievement meant a hangover from hell, JD felt alright with that. 

There was a groan next to him which broke this contemplation. 

A manly groan.

The peace from earlier was instantly replaced by a swooping sensation of dread. He couldn't help but let out an 'eep' sound when his eyes flew open and he saw the back of a very male looking head and naked shoulders facing away from him.

What the hell, how had he brought a man back to his tent with him?

He stared back at the ceiling and attempted not to panic. OK there must be some reasonable explanation for this, maybe it was another prank by the janitor. If the man could hire a wolf to scare him, surely he could hire a male prostitute. 

He tried to recall what he did last night.

He remembered going to Dr Cox's home and giving the man a speech worthy of the man himself.

__________________

JD took a sip of scotch to end his speech. He would not call it a victory sip, as that was just not classy, but JD knew that he had killed that speech and it was going to get his mentor out of his funk. Dr Cox was still wrapped in a blanket and looking the most vulnerable JD had seen him, but when he shortly realised that scotch tasted like a thousand tiny needles on his tongue and spit it back into the tumbler, his mentor stated.

"You don't drink scotch Newbie."

JD felt a thrill of achievement in his stomach. Followed by a swoop of nausea. JD did _not_ drink scotch he was right.

"Don't suppose you have any appletini's?"  
_____

A few hours later Jordan returned home carrying Jack. The sight which greeted her was that of JD and Perry in the midst of a card game of some sort. It appeared to be similar rules to the price is right, but the loser drank every time they got it wrong.

JD was clearly losing. Perry was finding this hilarious.

"Higher!" Card flip. "No! Dr Cox are you rigging this game?! I have drank like 3 times as much as you, so not fair!" JD's words where slurring, confirming his theory that he'd drunk too much. He shot back what appeared to be a whiskey, grimacing as he did so.

Perry was grinning, clearly loving this victory streak. "Suck it up Cynthia. I'm funding these drinks, so you better not spill any." He wiggled his finger towards the other man, before flicking the edge of JD's nose. JD grimaced and flapped his hands to fend him off.

"Now, start again. Judy, higher or lower?" he flipped over a queen of spades.

JD beamed. This was an easy one! "Lower, lower!!"

Dr Cox flipped a king. JD groaned, shotting another whiskey.

Jordan sighed. She then bellowed. "Girls!"

JD and Perry's heads both pivoted towards her. It reminded her of the time her uncles dogs drank beer at their family party. Very odd.

"Hello ladies, glad to see you both having fun. Now per per, do us a solid and either get out of here or go to bed." she took her jacket off, threw up on the back of the chair and adjusted Jack on her hip in one fluid motion. Mum's have scary skills. "Jack here has seen you throwing up enough in our toilet without him having images of DJ doing the same." despite her sarcasm, she had a small smile at the display. When she had left Perry had been an emotional shell wrapped in a blanket, seeing him having fun was a welcome change. 

JD turned sad. He'd actually been having fun with Dr Cox, but Jordan had a point, it was pretty late. He started gathering his things.

Dr Cox whistled. "Woah woah woah, what do you think you're doing their Cinderella?" Perry growled. JD looked up, hopeful. "Jorderoo just gave me permission to go to a bar. We are out of here." He gave JD the watching you sign and wandered into his bedroom. He emerged wearing a hockey jersey and jeans. He even looked as though he'd combed his hair. JD beamed.

"Sure Dr Cox!"

______________

There was another groan next to him, and the man moved around, flipping onto his back.

JD contained any sounds, and peeped at the profile next to him.

Curly red hair, strong handsome jawline, and a hint of bulging pecks. Dr Cox, topless (at least) next to him.

Maybe this was not a prank by the Janitor. 

JD panicked at the sight. Clearly, he and the other doctor had got drunk together, and the other man must have been in a bad state to agree to stay in JD’s tent. 

He wasn’t sure of the exact nature of this visit, but whatever it was he knew Dr Cox would not be pleased.

There was only one solution to this problem.

He ran. 

Or more accurately. He attempted to run, realised he was naked under the sleeping bag, and grabbed some boxers to cover his man parts. He sprinted out of the tent and into the bushes, not caring that he was naked as he was fuelled by pure fear.

This was bad. Not only had he woke up next to a man. He had woken up _naked_ next to a very angry boss. A boss who had a child and a very scary ex-wife.

As he was crouching in his bushes, staring at his tent and trying to stop himself hyperventilating he tried to piece together the rest of the night.  
___________

He and Dr Cox went to the usual bar. They'd sat at the bar together, legs pressed together and JD had felt confident enough to buy the other an appletini with his own.

"I've had to drink your disgusting scotch all night Perry, you're trying my drink of choice, which is delicious by the way"

Amazingly the other was laughing. "How do you manage to grow a pair when ordering us the girliest drinks on the menu Shiela?"

JD hmphed "I'll grow a pair whenever I please, I am just confident in my own body, you're right to be jealous.” He pouted and put a hand on his hips, giving Perry a ‘you can’t get this’ look. In his drunken state it looked more like a pouting chicken. 

Dr Cox had shaken his head and picked up his appletini. "you are one strange woman newbie" he then chugged the drink down in one. JD had felt offence on behalf of the tini, they are meant to be sipped damnit!

Their banter continued, and Dr Cox amazingly continued drinking his girly concoctions despite protests otherwise. It felt great to have time like this with his mentor, feeling for once on an equal footing and dare he say it relaxed in the older doctor’s company. He felt that they truly were friends in that moment.

"I'm going to piss, Newbie if my pee is green you will pay for it tomorrow" He glared at the other before staggering out of the stool towards the bathroom. 

An image popped into JDs mind of all his clothes being died a lime green colour by Dr Cox. He licked the fabric and it tasted of appletinis, delicious!

"Worth it" he muttered.

Whilst JD was lost in thought a rather handsome man with a colourful cocktail sidled next to him. He was dressed smartly in a shirt and jeans and gave JD the feeling that he should make himself more presentable.

"That your daddy next to you? Good find" the man smirked.

JD scrunched his nose up at the thought. An image of him in a pram next to Dr Cox popping in his head. Ridiculous. "Who Dr Cox? No way he's just my friend". He practically glowed at getting to say this, even whilst recoiling at the idea of him being the child of the other man’s. 

The man raised his eyebrow rather sceptically but smirked, "glad to hear it." He smiled brighter at him and offered a hand to shake. "I'm Steve".

JD grinned, he loved it when strangers were nice to him! "JD, love the drinks choice." he pointed at the necterini, it was rare to find a man with good taste in drinks!

Steve laughed and it weirdly filled JD's stomach with butterflies. He had a nice laugh. "you too." the smirk was back. "So JD what brings you here tonight?"

JD started a back and forth with the other man, he was very nice and in JDs tipsy state he seemed to be loving all of his jokes which was making him preen. It was after a few minutes of their exchange when he suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder.

He looked up and Dr Cox's cheery mood from earlier had vanished, he was looking quite suspiciously at Steve.

JD ignored his mentor’s expression. "Hey, you're back. I've just been chatting to my new friend Steve." he turned back to Steve, who for some reason looked very amused. "Steve this is urgh... Perry" he fumbled, unsure if the man would shout at the use of his name but feeling strange calling him a doctor in their drunken states.

Steve held a hand out toward Dr Cox who grinned his shark like grin. He noted that Steve winced slightly as the shook hands. There was a strange atmosphere that JD would have detected had he not been 7 whiskeys and 4 appletinis down.

"Anyway, feel free to join us JD" Stephen winked and then sashayed off towards his group in the corner.

JD felt disappointed and confused to see the other leave, but this soon passed when Dr Cox returned to the seat next to him. He gestured to the bar man whilst sitting down. The other man was still scowling, and JD felt confused by this change in tone. What had caused him offence? Was there a strange person in the toilets? JD eyed the door to the men’s toilet suspiciously. 

Alongside the expression, Perry sounded annoyed whilst he muttered "I go for five minutes and you get chatted up. Who knew you was such a hit with the guys. All those squats are clearly paying off for you there Tiffany.” He requested a single scotch from the bar man, and JD felt disappointed. There was definitely a change in the other, and he missed their fun from earlier. 

"Dr Coxxxx, don't be so mean, we were having fun" He pouted. He flashed his baby blues at Perry and the other rolled his eyes and requested a long island cocktail on top of his own. 

JD perked up at this gesture, and they returned to their easy conversation. JD started a game of coming up with stories for individuals sat in the bar, which seemed to appeal to Perry’s bitchy side. 

Their game continued for about 20 minutes before Perry wandered off to put a song on the jukebox. Astoundingly he agreed to queue some Christina Aguilera after his Foo Fighters. Whilst the other man was walking away, a thought struck JD related to their earlier discussion. 

When Perry returned JD launched his questioning "Do you think that guy was hitting on me!?" his words were slurred and mouth agape, the alcohol was well and truly having an impact at this stage. 

Dr Cox rolled his eyes and didn't respond. He simply gestured to the barman, and placed an order for a couple more drinks. JD concluded that he had in fact been implying this. 

JD was in shock. "But... He was a guy. Guys don't hit on other guys." JD could not comprehend this fact in his drunken state. Especially since the guy was hot himself, somehow to hotness scales seemed more obvious in your own gender.

This seemed to anger the other man as his answer was dripping in sarcasm. "Well it's a good job you are a girl then Pricilla, does that make the whole world right again? " JD could see the Perry from work re-emerge before him and felt a strange sinking feeling. "I mean good god, be more homophobic there Newbie, remember that just as you are in fact a lesbian, some guys also like to bone other guys. How do you think that happens?"

JD flushed, he had a point. JD suddenly felt a wave of pride wash over him, and he couldn't help but look across at Steve. The other man noticed straight away and gave him a cheeky smirk. He had a nice smile, it made JD's parts tingle in a way gift shop girl does. Strange.

JD got lost in thought at that, but noticed in his haze that Dr Cox looked grumpy and seemed to be getting ready to leave. He panicked, he was having fun, the fun would end if Perry went home.

JD knew he had to say something to keep his mentor interested and bring back their easy banter which Steven had somehow disrupted (he had lost Steve privileges for causing this argument). He tried to think of something witty, or wise or just plain weird to say to keep him interested and therefore stay out longer.

What came out was. "Have you ever boned another guy?"

He blushed. Damn appletinis’!

Dr Cox paused his coat grab. "Well aren't you a nosy Nelly?" he looked up at JD, and appeared strangely impressed at the question. "Curious what man on man action is like Newbie?" Nope scratch that. His expression was 'I' m going to pounce on this embarrassment' not 'I'm impressed'.

JD for some reason felt his face heat at this. "No, no, no, I just erm... The topic came up! I was curious that's all."

Dr Cox expression took on a shark like grin. "Well this is interesting, finally acknowledging that gay old curiosity newbella? You just looove to see it." he let out a cackle at this and called for 2 drinks. He sat back down and stopped the coat grabbing. 

JD flushed further but was pleased to see the change in demeanour. "Well maybe a little, I mean there was that one time I tried to kiss Turk... "

His eyes widened immediately after the statement. Crap! Appletini was total truth juice, why did he admit that!?

Dr Cox laughed again. "Aww Stephanie, I thought it would be someone much more interesting that Ghandi you had your eye on. I already know you're life partners, you could give me something more juicy than that."

JD's face was on fire. He needed to shut up but the alcohol was powering his mouth seemingly without his control. "Dr Cox!"

The other plonked a whiskey in front of him, and JD grimaced as he shot it back. "Come on, we're finally sharing sexy man stories. I know that's what you stay up all night writing in your dream journal just hoping and wishing for. Don't miss the boat."

The words boat alongside this discussion lead to an image popped into his mind of Keith wearing a sailor’s uniform. He was followed in toe by the male patient from Room 205 and Dr Cox took the rear. They were all dancing around him in a sexy fashion before Dr Cox grabbed him and pulled him forward and swept him down bridal style for a kiss. Keith and the patient were cheering behind them. 

Woah, JD eyed his whiskey suspiciously. Did whiskey turn him gay?

Dr Cox was still looking at him expectantly, eyebrows raised. The interest from the other was rare, and thus prompted some further honesty from JD. "I suppose some guys at work are hot." He mused. Immediately after he had a sweep of regret, what the hell was he saying? He bashed his head forwards into the bar. Stupid drunken gayness!

The other man laughed again, and JD was certain he’d never heard made the other laugh so much before. "The first stage is admitting it, the sooner you admit it the sooner that one particular guy can come and sweep you off your feet". Perry was grinning like a Cheshire cat, clearly enjoying this game and patted JD on the shoulder.

JD's embarrassment turned to indignation. "Well have you ever kissed a guy, Mr Big and macho?"

The other man seemed taken aback for a second, but the reply astounded JD. "Slept with a few guys back in college." He struggled nonchalantly as though he had not dropped a massive revelation and sipped his Whiskey.

JD gaped at the other like a fish. Shocked at the fact the most masculine man he knew had slept with other guys, but more shocked that he'd told JD this fact. Despite him being well contained Dr Cox was obviously more drunk than his body language suggested to reveal this to him. 

JD could have responded in multiple ways to this statement, he could be supportive, shocked, outraged that what the very man was teasing him about was what he had done himself. What he settled on was a question. "What was it like?"

Amazingly Dr Cox answered seriously. His laughter had died out and he was studiously avoiding eye contact. He shrugged again. "Hot. A bit like sleeping with a woman with less hair in the face and a better stroking technique." the other shifted slightly on the stool and gestured for another whiskey.

JD flushed. If he was being honest, this was not the first time the thought of being romantic with a guy had crossed his mind. He loved boobs and women, but a part of him had always held a hint of intrigue regarding his own gender. He had always been teased for being feminine, and in a strange sort of way he didn't want to confirm those stereotypes so had never explored it. This conversation was making him reconsider this repression. 

JD downed another appletini and continued the line of questioning. It was one opportunity to discuss this with someone and be able to brush it off with the 'we were hammered' excuse. "Why did you stop?"

Someone the conversation had taken a serious turn. Dr Cox shrugged. "Crazy Paige found out. Tore me a new one about my sinning ways and I figured women are just as hot without the hassle, so I'll skip out on the penis play."

Something about this conversation was making JD feel hot all over. "Ever miss it?"

Dr Cox gave him an intense sort of look, but didn't answer the question. Instead he paid their tab and grabbed JD by the arm, dragging him out of the bar.

"Dr Cox! Where are we going!?"

"You'll see. Now come Newbie"

_________

JD's memories were becoming harder and harder to recall as he pieced together the night. His stomach clenched however at that last memory.

He had a bad feeling about how Dr Cox had ended up in his tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. It is probably the worst cliff hanger ever, as its probably pretty clear what happened, but I thought I'd give it a go.
> 
> I already have the next few chapters written so will likely update in a few days or by the end of the week!


	2. Remember?

Perry awoke to sunlight shining directly into his eyes and a hangover from hell.

Why the hell had Jordan opened their black out curtains? He knew she was Satan's daughter, but blinding a man this hungover was just a whole other level of evil.

He went to pull the quilt across his face. His hands met a silky plastic fabric.

Sleeping bag?

His eyes shot open. Where the fuck was he?

* * *

  
It must have almost been about an hour since waking up and JD was still sat in the bushes eyes fixed on his tent and teeth chattering.

He was having a horrible time. His white boxers where likely covered in mud, he had fought off throwing up three times, and he was paranoid that his elderly neighbour was going to spot him for his daily 8am dog walk. Sally the poodle was overly friendly at the best of times, and he dreaded her reaction to his pale naked body.

He had been watching the tent religiously waiting for Perry to emerge, but the other was clearly better at sleeping through a hangover than he was.

He didn't know what to do.

From what he could recall, he now knew that he had not only comforted his mentor last night. He’d dragged the other man out to a bar, drank way too many whiskeys and appletinis and decided to discuss their raging bi sexualities. It would be a fun night if it was anyone, but Dr Cox involved.

The rest was a blank, but he suspected waking up naked with the other semi-naked (at least) could not be a good sign.

Or very good, but also very bad depending how you looked at it.

How had this happened? Of all the people in the hospital for him to drunkenly sleep with Dr Cox was probably bottom of the list.

An image of him waking up sandwiched between Bob Kelso and Ted popping into his mind. They both wore sexy red bath robes and where dragging him back to bed.

He vigorously shook his head to clear it. Ok, Maybe not the last.

Whilst JD was weighing up the process of moving to China and how he'd afford the fees, the decision about what to do was taken out of his hands.

Dr Cox emerged wearing his hockey Jersey and what appeared to be JD's shorts. He looked side to side and spotted JD within approximately 30 seconds, revealing JD’s secret Achilles heel. His hiding abilities.

Perry looked pissed.

JD stood quickly, ready to run as fast as his pasty legs would carry him, but Dr Cox whistled, and his intern instincts kept him in place. Damn Perry had trained him well!

"Oh no no no Newbella, you are coming with me."

The other man grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back towards the tent. JD had no way of fighting back.

Once inside, Dr Cox launched a top and shorts in his direction and ordered "get dressed."

He was cold, and he did feel better with his baggy jumper on he had to admit. He scrambled to quickly obey the order. He turned around to preserve his dignity, even though it was likely a ‘closing the door behind the horse’ situation.

They were both crouched in the tent on their knees when JD was dressed. Somehow Dr Cox still found a way to look intimidating, arms crossed and swiping at his nose.

"Now talk." he growled.

JD flushed. He started to babble in nerves. This had to be up there as one of the most scary mornings after which he has had. "Well the weather we're having is just lovely today, I mean there is a bit of a chill in the air but that sunshine. Just wow, I may have to head down to the beach..."

Dr Cox was staring at him in pure anger and disbelief. He started flashing his anger alarm bell on his hand indicating that JD better stop babbling or face the consequences.

Yep, that worked. "I think we slept together." He blurted out, and immediately cringed away in fear.

The other was deathly silent for a few moments. JD peeped his eyes open and was greeted by a raging Dr Cox, as expected.

"What did you just say?” JD is certain this is reaching new heights on the Cox-rage barometer. His teeth were bared and a vein on his head was pulsing away to new heights. “There better be some sort of disorder you are experiencing which makes you shout out your wildest fantasies, because there is _no way_ that these fabulous hands would be anywhere near that pale, doughy, flat chested body of yours." he gestured between his own body and JD’s ‘doughy’ one in a menacing fashion.

Suddenly JD's fear was replaced with indignation. Yes, he was on the pale side, and maybe he wasn't the most toned, but he was definitely the young sexy one in this exchange! He crossed his arms and met the anger with his own. "I said I think we did, not that I know we did. And you'd be lucky to touch my pale body!"

Perry let out a feral growl. “Enough talk on your ridiculous body issues, what the hell do you remember Delilah, because I certainly do not recall how I ended up in your ridiculous tent?” He glanced around said tent in disgust.

JD couldn’t help but flush. He recalled some of their night, and what he did recall he didn’t want to share, especially not their big gay bonding moment. “I don’t know! I just remember us going to the bar, and that Steve guy chatting me up!” He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I normally have a three tini limit, I’m not good with alcohol.”

His embarrassment washed away when he recalled the last memory he did have. He pointed a finger at Dr Cox accusingly. “The last thing I _do_ remember is you dragging us off to somewhere else! So wherever we ended up next must have been your idea.” He crossed his own arms feeling triumphant.

Perry’s face took an odd twist at that, clearly it had triggered some memories for the man. He shook his head, pointing a finger back. “Well that was only because you decided it was sharing time. I was being the kind gentleman that I am and took us to a gay club. It’s the done thing when a man admits he wants to meet other men.” Well that answered the question of whether doctor Cox recalled his gay curiosity. “Whatever lead us to coming to this dump must have been your idea, not mine.” 

JD had a sense of being in a loud and flashing environment now that Dr Cox mentioned that, but it was all too disjointed to piece together. “Well that doesn’t explain how you got here. Do you remember anything else?” He pondered. Now curious, as it appeared that the other remembered more than himself.

Perry opened his mouth to reply, and then looked stricken. His anger was replaced by a look of shock. Clearly, Dr Cox was having similar revelations to those that JD had earlier, but potentially in more detail.

His expression reminded JD of the time that him and Turk had inadvertently slept with the same woman after a particularly crazy college party. It was a face of ‘I did something I regret last night’, not the ‘I did something hilarious and had fun last night’.

The other man suddenly sprawled on the floor of the tent, groaned in distress and sat back massaging his eyes and looking very pale. JD's anger was replaced by concern, the older man did not look so good." Are you alright?" he asked tentatively. The other did not reply, and seemed to be fighting throwing up, so JD quickly scurried out to fetch him some water outside of the tent.

When he returned Dr Cox appeared to be much calmer, he grunted in thanks and downed the water, clutching the bottle quite desperately. He flopped back down in his back still looking rather ill.

He answered the question. "Newbie, I have been drinking for 18 hours, apparently had a night on the town with you and potentially cheated on the mother of my child with man who writes in a dream diary. How do you think I'm doing?" he was almost numb in his tone now. Apparently, anger could only last so long when you had a hangover from hell.

JD watched the other in concern. He'd only considered his own perspective until now, but thinking of it he could see how much worse it was for Perry. At least he'd not got anyone he was involved with to piss off with this mistake. Perry had much more to lose.

"What did you remember?" He asked, afraid of the answer.

Perry was massaging his eyes, and JD suspected it was a ploy because he felt uncomfortable. “Not all of it.” He opened his eyes, but was studiously looking away from JD now. “But enough to know there was some gay action taking place in that club, and suspect that it was more than just a nightcap we had in the tent.” He grimaced.

JD felt his stomach drop. This practically confirmed his theory. They could hardly run away from the fact _something_ had happened last night between them, even if he didn’t know exactly what.

“I’m sorry.” He said helplessly. Dr Cox remained silent, still grey in the face. JD lay down next to the other man, not feeling in the best condition himself. "I mean I don't remember us sleeping together, maybe it wasn't what it looks like?" He said hopefully.

Dr Cox looked sceptical, he fished around the tent and passed JD a small mirror. JD examined himself, and sure enough there was a large bite mark on his neck. He flushed scarlet. "It could be someone else's mouth?". Perry flipped over an pulled down the shorts. There was a bite mark on his ass cheek. JD flushed further. "I do like to bite a booty" he mumbled. Dr Cox dragged his hands over his face in frustration, letting out a groan.

They both stared at the roof of the tent. Now the shock was wearing off for them both, there was a heavy sense of guilt in the air. Despite both of their memory losses it was clear what had happened.

JD felt sick. Before he had been fearful of being attacked by the other, but he could see that Dr Cox was feeling arguably worse than himself about what had happened.

Despite their flaws, him and Jordon were clearly happy as a couple, Dr Cox loved Jack wholeheartedly and it must be killing him to think he had betrayed them. On top of the other shit he'd been dealing with already this week.

A heavy sense of guilt setting in JD’s stomach at the thought. Last night he'd meant to cheer the other doctor up. Instead he may have made his mentors situation even worse, all for some hazy memories.

He glanced across. The lost and depressed expression JD had observed yesterday morning was back, the anger clearly fading as realisation set in about the consequences of this.

JD tentatively grabbed Perry's hand. Under normal circumstances he would not have even thought to do so, but somehow in the enclosed space of his tent, after a mutual traumatic wake up, it felt like the right move to make.

Surprisingly Perry gripped his hand back, and that alone demonstrated the monumental fuck up this situation was for them both.

"It will be alright." He reassured. "I won't tell anyone about this, and Jordan doesn't have to know."

Dr Cox grunted. He was quiet for a moment, clearly in contemplation. He eventually replied, "Kid, you don't get it. Me and Jordan only work because we're both completely honest. I can't lie to her about this." He sighed and used his other hand to roll across his face and into his hair. He arguably looked worse than after the patient losses earlier in the week.

JD surprised himself again. Seeing his usually stoic mentor seeming stressed and vulnerable gave him an unusual sense of courage. For once he would be the brave one in the partnership. He gripped Perry’s face in his hands and pulled him towards him.

"Perry, we don't have to tell her. I get about being honest, but Jordon could leave you if she knows about this." He wasn't one hundred percent sure on this, but he knew most people would. "We both got drunk, neither of us remember it. The only hint we have that it actually happened is a couple of bite marks!" He looked intently at the other and was surprised to see him listening intently back. "I know how much you love Jordon, and there is no way you would have done this if you was in your right mind. We shouldn't jeopardise your family over a stupid drunken fumble which neither of even remember!"

They stared intently at each other. Perry was still looking vulnerable and sad, but he seemed to be considering JD's words. 

Being in this intimate position and so close to the other gave JD a sudden memory from the night before. 

* * *

They were stood in what appeared to be a nightclub. There was neon lights and sticky floors under his feet, and for some unknown reason Dr Cox was ranting at him looking angry, hands gesturing wildly.

Without warning the other marched him towards the wall of the club. He backed him up, and JD recalled being afraid of being punched.

Instead of a fist, Perry grabbed him by the cheeks and pulled his face close. 

Suddenly they were kissing, surrounded by flashing lights and pounding music.

JD felt overwhelmed and instantly turned on. He gripped Perry back and suddenly he was pushed against a wall. Hot all over. 

There was music thumping around them. He should not be doing this, but as he felt Perry's hips grinding against his own, he couldn't stop. It felt too good. 

* * *

JD flushed. So did Dr Cox. 

They both simultaneously pulled away and flipped onto their backs. Clearly the closeness had triggered a similar memory in Perry if his reaction was anything to go off. 

"Shit." JD said aloud, and willed Mr Peeps to calm down. 

They both went quiet for a few moments, clearly calming themselves down. 

"That is exactly why I need to tell Jordan, Newbie." JD looked at Dr Cox and he was steadily avoiding eye contact, still looking uncomfortable. "As much as it pains me, we are somewhat of a friendship group these days." He grimaced. "Jordan can sense deceit like a sniffer dog and will notice if we are avoiding each other. Annoyingly you and your little posse have wormed your way in and she'll notice if you suddenly disappear."

JD should have felt ecstatic that Perry was acknowledge their friendship, but instead he felt sick. “We don’t have to avoid each other, it doesn’t have to change anything” He argued, but when the other didn’t reply he knew this wasn’t true.

He felt an unexpected urge to cry. They really had fucked up badly, and he couldn’t even recall the good parts. "You mean I get castrated by Jordan and I don't even get some decent memories to warrant it. That sucks." He attempted to lighten the mood, but it fell flat.

When all he got was silence. He glanced across and the other was looking at him rather intently, there was a strange heat in his eyes which JD had not seen before. "Don't tempt me Newbie. I am already in deep waters as it is."

JD was not sure what he meant by 'don't tempt him', but the growling tone and heated eyes was getting Mr Peeps excited again. 

How had one night turned Dr Cox from scary father figure into an equally scary sex machine?! Clearly the alcohol had not worn off. 

They went quiet again. JD's initial fear for the situation had morphed into a sense of sadness. He would likely have to stop being friends with Dr Cox again once this got out. 

"So we can't be friends anymore?" He mumbled. 

It may have been that Dr Cox was too hungover, still slightly drunk, or sad himself, but he amazingly did not belittle JD for this comment.

"We'll see what Jordan says Newbie. Maybe we'll strike lucky and she just sees it as a turn on, which would nawtt surprise me."

They both absorbed the moment, lost in thought. Suddenly Perry sighed, rubbed both hands through his hair and down his face. He looked truly miserable. "Hell of a week for me. Kill three patients, go drunk to work, piss off Satan's daughter and sleep with the ugliest girl at prom."

JD was going to jump in and offer reassurance before the ugly girl comment. He opened his mouth to retort, feeling indignant, but noticed a rather sad smile on the others face. Clearly the humour was his way of dealing. They looked at each other with a shared sadness.

Within that tent was a strange atmosphere of safety which he had never felt with Dr Cox before. It was the sense of calm entwined with panic that washes over you when you realise that a huge change has taken place. Within these walls life was still the same, but when they stepped out and revealed this to others, they both knew that things would change. It was because of this feeling that JD was brave enough to pull the other man towards him and into a hug.

Amazingly instead of pushing him away as expected, Dr cox came willingly and burrowed his face into JD's neck. His mouth lined up exactly where the bite mark was. JD flushed again. 

They lay like that for several minutes. It was very bizarre to feel the weight of a man on top of him, but surprisingly comfortable. It was bittersweet that the only time he get their friendship acknowledged and finally get his hug is when they likely have to put a stop to it. 

He pushed his hand into Perry’s curls and stroked it comfortingly and felt the other clutch his bicep in return. A warm feeling filled JD up, and he felt content for a moment before they had to face the wrath of Jordan.

Of course, then Perry had to ruin the moment. "Tell anyone about any of this Newbella and it won't just be Jordan coming to castrate you." he mumbled into his neck. 

JD sighed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we have a clearer picture of what happened!
> 
> I apologise for the slightly sad/angry tones of this chapter, but I felt it would be the most in character response (and plus it would be too boring otherwise ha).
> 
> I am really enjoying writing, and would really appreciate any feedback about this if you are enjoying it!
> 
> I am going to try and update about once per week!
> 
> Many thanks,
> 
> Emilace :)


	3. Ponder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for comments and kudos so far. I have been really nervous posting this, so it's really boosting my confidence ❤️
> 
> This chapter is a bit more of a gateway between chapters and relatively short I will warn you now, but I have written more of this and will continue to post regularly, and other chapters should be a bit longer!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy! 😊

After their hug, Perry had decided he had to return home and tell Jordon straight away. He had reluctantly agreed to update JD regarding the situation and had made a rapid escape. Clearly he had reached his touch capacity for the day.

Feeling at a strange loose end, JD had made his way to Turk's for the day. He hadn't told his friend what had happened, just explained that he was extremely hungover and needed Gilmore girls marathon to cheer him up. Luckily this was a regular occurrence and went unquestioned. 

Whilst at Turk’s he had put on the face his friend expected. He laughed in all the right places, made the right comments and was acting his usual role. Turk did question his wellbeing a couple of times, but he'd been able to brush it off as hangover blues quite easily. 

Inside he couldn't stop thinking of Dr Cox.

Although he couldn't recall the whole evening, what he could remember was playing on loop inside his head. When it wasn't, all he could do was try and figure out why all this had happened. What was worse is that he knew he could not digest it with the support of his friend as he would usually do. 

Not only had he slept with a man for the first time, that man was his angry, narcissistic, borderline alcoholic boss. Who was in a partnership with a fellow narcissistic power bitch. Not the most sensible choice for some sexuality experimentation. 

He still had no clear answer. 

JD had always known their friendship was quite strange. He knew it wasn't usual to put up with the level of abuse he did from his mentor (demonstrated by the fact Perry had no one else he called a friend outside of their little rag tag bunch). Yet at the same time he had always known that deep down Dr Cox was a good man, and JD had a level of respect for him which just overrode the upset of being subjected to girl’s names and yelled out on a daily basis. 

He'd been drawn to Perry from day one. It gave him a thrill to try and impress someone so fantastic at their job, and it meant so much more when he did achieve the occasional snippets of thanks and mutual respect. 

The man excited him. He was interesting, intelligent, had good morals and was never afraid to tell people the truth. People thought JD was crazy for craving affection from someone so cold, angry and removed, but every time that Dr Cox stepped in for a patient, showed the glimmer of kindness under the tough exterior or praised him for his skills (in a very sarcastic and backhanded manner) it gave JD a rush that no one else could give him. 

He'd always assumed that rush was the one that children got when praised by a parent (he wouldn't know what that felt like, given the mediocrity of his own family), but was that rush desire? 

He tried to recall if any girlfriends had activated the same feeling inside of him. The closest he could think of was Neena Brodick, who was arguably the worst of his line of ex-girlfriends. He did enjoy her telling’s off, and they did have truly amazing sex, but he was only with her through fear. Every other girl he was attracted to had been kind, sweet and someone he could be sensitive with. Essentially the opposite of Perry. 

What was it about the other man? 

He thought of physical features first. He imagined Doctor Cox in his usual blue scrubs and lab coat scowling at him. He almost dismissed the exercise as ridiculous before imaginary Perry stripped off his lab coat, threw it to the side and matched towards JD smirking. He pinned JD to the wall. Blue eyes stated intently into his soul, biceps bulging and smirk predatory. 

"Up close he has freckles" he mused aloud. Turk gave him a strange look, but simply shook his head, used to JD's mumblings. 

OK maybe physically he could see some appeal to the other if Mr Peeps interest was any indication. He subtly covered him with his hand, it was not appropriate to be excited during Gilmore Girls. 

Then he considered personality. 

He thought of what he liked about Perry. 

Firstly was the brutal honesty. The man was not afraid to stand up to anyone he thought was wrong (aside from maybe Carla), he thought others should be accountable for their actions and he always put the patient first in all he did. No one JD knew was as bold and courageous as Dr Cox was (even if at times it was absolutely terrifying). Perry was the only man he knew who truly always did what he knew was right, and didn’t care who he pissed off whilst doing so. JD loved this about the man. 

Then there was his secretly caring nature. Despite the growls, the sarcasm, the rants and the constant assurances that he hated JD, the other doctor always stepped in when he needed him most with a steady presence and wise words of advice. Even at times when Turk couldn't, Perry had always been there for him when it actually mattered. He thought of the loss of his father, the loss of his patients and the most recent incident with Jill Tracy. These had been some of the most difficult incidents in JD’s memory, and each one had featured support from Perry most prominently. 

What JD liked most though was the fact that he could truly be himself around the other. JD knew he had a tenancy to be dramatic or protect others and it was easy for him to lie to do so. With Dr Cox not only did he feel he didn't have to do that, he knew the other would call him on it if he did. 

JD felt he could be his true self, and actually be respected more for it with the other man. They may argue, and he may battle for affection, but deep down JD knew the other man cared. 

Maybe there was more to this than a drunken fumble? 

He thought of the consequences of today, imagined the upset from Jordan when he revealed the news and felt sick to his stomach. Whatever happened he knew it wasn't going to be good. 

Whatever these feelings that he had highlighted were, JD knew that Perry was one of the most important people in his life. The idea of being without him was sickening. 

He felt his phone vibrate and saw a text from 'Dr Cox' flash on his screen, a simple “I have told Jordan.”

JD’s stomach sank.  _ Great.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun Dunn... I thought about including Perry and Jordans chat alongside this, but feel its better to keep people on edge with a good cliffhanger 😬.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, please continue to leave comments/thoughts, it's really helpful for me deciding the direction to take things 😊
> 
> Many thanks
> 
> Emilace


	4. Confront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry finally reveals all to Jordan.

Perry sat at the back of the bus home curled down pathetically into his seat. He is wearing yesterday’s clothes, smelling like a brewery and very much understanding the ‘walk of shame’ feeling he had overheard young interns describe when talking of their conquests.

To describe him as ‘in crisis’ was very much an understatement.

He was having arguably one of the worst weeks of his life. Firstly, he had lost 3 patients through a rushed transplant, one of the biggest mistakes in his role. He had then decided it would be a good idea to drink himself into an early grave and turn up to work drunk in the process, risking his entire career even further. Now his self-saboteur had decided it necessary to add the top hat too his issues by cheating on his ex-wife.

Cheating with the most annoying person in his life none the less.

What the hell had he been thinking?

The real issue was, he could recall every single moment of the night, so he knew damn well what he had been thinking.

Sitting on that bus, stomach turning as he moved closer to home and his confrontation with Jordan, Perry couldn’t help but replay the events leading up to this mess.

* * *

"Dr Cox! Where are we going!?"

"You'll see. Now come Newbie"

Perry grabbed JD by the arm and pulled him up and out of his stool straight towards the exit of the bar.

For some god forsaken reason he was having a great night with the little bastard and he wanted it to continue.

After the surprising (but not so surprising) revelation from Thumbelina all he could think about was his own hay day at college. He recalled his own time spent picking up guys at gay bars, and he couldn’t help but feel a spike of pity that the other man had not had the opportunity in his own youth to explore in the way he had. 

His plan was to take Newbie to the local gay bar in order to give the man an opportunity to explore this sexuality he had clearly been repressing.

When they left the bar the air must have triggered the effects of the alcohol, because the journey across town was a bit of a haze.

All he recalled from the queuing process was having a suddenly handsy JD hanging onto his shoulder as though he was a life raft in a storm. When they arrived at the front the bouncer eyed them critically. He was the sassiest bouncer that Perry had encountered, somehow portraying more judgement in a single brow raise than some could with their entire body.

He pointed at JD, tracing his body up and down. “Are you sure your boyfriend is up for coming in tonight?”

Perry opened his mouth, ready to protest about the accusation, but thought of how they would appear. JD had an arm thrown over his back, he had been giggling intermittently about something whilst they waited in the queue and Perry had a hand gripped around his waist to support the drunken mess he had created.

He rolled his eyes and decided it wasn’t worth the battle. He was also quite drunk himself, and arguments were not his forte when he had 18 whiskeys down him. He looked to JD in reply. 

“Are you up for tonight there Clarice?”

On queue JD instantly beamed towards the bouncer. “I am so excited! I have never been to a Gay bar before Mr bouncer, it’s our first time out together!” He was patting his hands enthusiastically whilst talking, clearly unaware of the judgement he was currently subject to.

Sassy bouncer gave a reluctant smile. It was clear that JD was off his face from alcohol, but clearly that charm that won patients over was working on ‘Mr Bouncer’. The fuzzy little princess did have some talents Perry had to admit.

“Fine.” His eyes directed towards Perry. “But you better drag his ass out of there if he shows the slightest signs of throwing up.” He gave a threatening look and pointed at the entrance, allowing the two men past.

Perry gripped JD’s waist, and pulled him into the club. “Hear that? If you feel sick, let me know Newbie.” He looked sideways towards the other. The alcohol must be affecting him more than expected, because gazing at the younger man he felt a warm feeling of affection for the glazed eyes and drunken smile that was looking back at him. “I know its exciting getting your first look into the world of rainbows, but think of all the men you’ll put off with your sick breathe.”

JD giggled, unfazed by the scolding. “I will Dr Cox. Thanks for bringing me here! I have always wanted to go, but I know brown bear would never allow it.” His smile turned sad. “Turk is the best, but I do worry he’s a bit homophobic at times.” The words were slurred, but the sadness prevented Perry from mocking this.

Perry dragged them towards the bar. He ordered himself a scotch and Newbie a water, conscious of the threats from the staff. He told himself he was _not_ looking after Newbie, no, nothing would stand in the way of his first night out in years.

Perry rolled his eyes at the mention of Ghandi, but alcohol made him soft. Rather than mock JD and his relationship with ‘brown bear’ as he wanted, he decided to take the empathetic approach. He reassured himself that the other man was too far gone to recall him being nice.

“You do realise Newbie that Ghandi worships the ground you walk on, yes?” He tipped the staff, and passed the water into Newbies shaking hands. “God damn it, if I hear Carla worry one more time about ‘her baby’ running off with you, I just may shove all the hospital cotton swabs in my ears and make myself deliberately deaf.” He mimed filling his ears up. “Newbie, you don’t have to worry about ‘brown bear hating you. You could admit you killed your grandmother and I think he’d find some way to forgive you.” He admitted reluctantly. He rolled his eyes and glanced away from JD, feeling uncomfortable looking directly at the other man whilst being nice.

Fortunately Perry’s empathic speeches are very similar to his angry speeches, only a true expert in ‘Cox-speak’ can differentiate the two. Perry reassured himself that this way he could deny all evidence of kindness if anyone brought it into question.

Luckily even in a drunken stupor JD is fluent in ‘Cox-speak’ and he was looking at him in awe, as though he’d been told the secrets of the universe. “You think so?” He beamed, looking close to welling up. “That’s so nice of you Dr Cox. You’re right, I’ll tell him about this tomorrow.” He vowed, looking determined.

Perry rolled his eyes, growled and shoved the water more insistently into JD’s fist. His kindness capacity was meeting its quota. “Drink up Newbie, we need to do a man hunt for you.”

JD grinned again, gave a shaky salute and downed his water in one. Perry rolled his eyes and downed his scotch.

After they both finished their drinks, “voulez vous” by ABBA started playing and JD let out an excited squeal. Perry could not help but smirk in his own drunken state, the kid’s enthusiasm was amusing if nothing else. “I love this song, let’s go dance.”

It was a testament to Perry’s lowered inhibitions that when JD grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor he did not yell, rant or push the other away. Instead he followed along.

If he danced along with the kid to the ABBA song in the process, no one he knew was around to see it.

* * *

Perry groaned deep in his throat and wiped his hand across his face in distress as he recalled this aspect of the evening.

An unfortunate side effect of Perry’s drinking habits is he did not have the ‘black out’ defence mechanism most others did when reaching a certain point of intoxication. As much as this was useful for gaining blackmail material, it had the negative side effect of intense levels of cringing at his own behaviours.

It annoyed him deeply that as much as these memories were painful and cringy to recall, a part of him felt saddened by the fact it took copious amounts of alcohol to get him to this state of enjoyment with another human being.

The closest he had come to having that level of fun was when him and Jordan engaged in their bitch fests during the last meal they had gone too together. He definitely had fun with Jordan and Jack, but it was not the same care free feeling he could recall when dancing ridiculously with JD last night.

He knew therefore this was why a slip up had occurred. Last night he’d felt free in a way that he had not for a _very_ long time.

Unfortunately, a free Perry was apparently a horny Perry.

Although he had remembered the full events earlier in the tent, Perry was forcibly not replaying the other ‘free’ aspects of his evening. He was nearing his home, and he needed to plan what he would say to Jordan.

He somehow doubted “ABBA and whiskey made me do it” would cut it when Jordan questioned his motives.

He knew the reason behind this slip was multi-layered.

Firstly; he had a god damn awful week, and the drunken antics he had with JD had been an escape from the self-pity he had been experiencing. Some could argue the feelings of gratitude had confused with attraction in a drunken state, and this was why he had initiated things with Newbie.

Secondly, Perry had not been with another man since he was 22 years old. There was a part of him which still craved male attention. It was understandable that going to a Gay club again would get him wrapped up in the atmosphere. You can see how that could spiral into some sexual exploration without consideration for the consequences.

The final explanation, which Perry would admit was closest to the truth (even if he would only admit this in the deep depths of his mind), is that Perry was attracted to the other man and a cocktail of a fun evening, comfort from difficulties, admittance of bisexuality and hell just looking edible on the dancefloor had resulted in Perry letting out those repressed emotions under cover of disco-light.

He didn’t _want_ to find Newbie attractive. He knew on a logical level that the man was immature, childish, ridiculously naïve and a pain in the ass. He knew it was damn near taking advantage for a powerful man like Perry to be attracted to a delicate flower such as JD, but damn it if that aspect of power didn’t turn him on more. 

Perry is an egomaniac. To have someone worship the ground he walks on the way that JD does, he could not help but get a thrill out of it. It helps that those innocent doe eyes, full lips and ridiculously styled hair in combination made Perry want to do terrible things to the man.

 _He is also one of the kindest people you know, works damn hard every day, puts up with your shit and puts you in your place when you need him to._ A small voice in Perry’s head piped up.

He kindly told that voice to go fuck itself.

What he would admit was that despite his girly ways, there was a certain unique confidence to Newbie that he found appealing. The other man was always there to call him out on his shit, support him when he was low and challenge his perspective when few others would dare to. It was why he found the constant reminders that the other saw him as a 'father figure' so damn frustrating.

An image of JD panting underneath him as Perry bit down on his throat came into his mind unbidden.

Perry quickly shook it away, and furiously hoped that comparison was out of his head after last night.

He had been tempted to pounce on the other a few times during their relationship, but his barriers of anger and teasing had always stopped him. He also wasn't lying when he said it was much more of a hassle to date guys, and why put himself through that when he had a perfectly beautiful she devil in his bed?

Yesterday though, the woman who loved him had backed down when he needed her, and the man he supposedly hated had stepped in. He may spout nonsense half the time, but damn it if the kid wasn't intelligent and kind, and he'd known just what to say to get Perry out of pit he'd been sinking into.

How was he meant to keep those shields down when they had felt like equals, he found out the kid swung for his team and with a hint of jealousy was thrown in for good measure. He was bound to snap at that.

Too bad he had likely jeopardised his home life in the process.

The situation was completely fucked. He really wanted some more scotch.

Luckily neither Jordan nor Jack was there when he finally opened their door. He felt a rush of relief that at least he had some time to shower before facing the storm.

He bit the bullet and text Jordon to request she leave Jack at her mother’s; they needed some space for this chat.

* * *

He was sat on the sofa watching the game when hurricane Jordon returned.

She smiled at him on entrance, started ranting about her mother and being glad to see he'd downgraded in his scotch to beer drinking.

She suddenly stopped.

Stared at him intently.

"You slept with someone last night, didn't you?" she stated rather calmly given the circumstances. It sounded more like a scold than the angry screaming he had expected.

This is why you can't lie to Jordon. She reads him like a witch.

Perry sighed, took a swig from his beer and nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Jordon was clearly raging when he opened his eyes. She suddenly started pacing up and down like a caged tigress. "I did suspect something when you returned home late I have to admit. How stupid of me to think that my raging alcoholic of an ex husband could handle one night out without getting tempted by a beautiful hussy in a short skirt." an image of JD bending down in a schoolgirl skirt flashed in Perry's mind at that, and he had to physically shake his head to clear it. "No, how silly of me to give you any sort of credit. Of course your self sabotage instincts would win over in the end. It was just going too well wasn't it!?"

He couldn't say anything in response. She was totally right, he didn't know why." I'm sorry." He said simply.

She looked stunned. "That's it?”

Perry hesitated. He knew what he was about to say would hurt her most, and he dreaded it. The truth always had to happen with them though. "Well I guess I could say the Whiskey made me do it, but I can't lie. There was already an attraction there it... Brought to light." he pinched his eyes and massaged his head. His headache still raged, a complimentary cocktail to go alongside the emotional drama.

His sentence lay heavy in the air for a few moments. He wasn't looking, but she was clearly processing it all.

He felt a weight next to him and looked over to see the most upset look he had seen on her usually stoic face. Something he was not used to seeing on her usually robotic features. "Who was it?"

He grimaced; not wanting to reveal this answer. "Who do you think it was?"

She looked almost fearful. “Well I assumed it was some bimbo you picked up when out with DJ, but that sounds like it was someone you know." Her voice was surprisingly small, and Perry felt awful.

"Well it was whilst I was out with Newbie...." he admitted, hoping she would get the message.

She silenced.

Perry continued to keep his eyes closed, he knew her expression would not be pleasant, and he wanted to avoid it.

His eyes shot open when she let out a cackle quite manically. He had not been expecting this response from her.

She stood up in a flourish and went towards the drinks cabinet, pouring herself a vodka and shooting it straight. She turned around, laughing again.

"You slept with your little lap dog didn't you?"

Perry clenched his eyes closed and nodded. He knew who she was referring to.

Jordan launched the glass at the wall.

Perry winced, glad that it was the wall rather than him who received that blow.

She looked full of raging anger for a few moments, before marching towards him and grabbed him by the shoulders. Her anger crumpled and gave way to tears. "What the fuck were you thinking? It's not enough for you that he metaphorically kisses your ass, you had to make it the real deal" She looked imploringly at him, clearly begging him that he would say it was not true. He wished that were the case.

Perry sighed. He pulled her in for a hug, and surprisingly she clung on to him rather than pushing him away.

They stayed like that for a moment, she was still crying and Perry comforted her. It gave him déjà vu to getting his own comfort from JD this morning, and he immediately felt terrible for it.

They stood this way for a few moments until her sobs began to quiet down. Clearly the shock was wearing off, and she felt her tension release in response.

He didn’t want to break the peace, however Perry could not help but point out "You're taking this better than I expected." he admitted. A glass at the wall and tears was better than the ass beating and storming out he had expected.

She pulled back and gave him her usual disdainful look, clearly pulling herself together again. "What did you expect?"

"Well I thought the kid’s balls would be up on our mantlepiece before the end of the day."

She fully pulled away. Wiped her eyes and returned to her usual cold expression. Witnessing the strength return to her before his eyes he knew why he loved her. Few could put a mask on the way that Jordan did.

"Jack has obviously made me soft. Besides, we have enough girl parts littering the house with you around." she smirked going to the globe and pouring herself another drink. "No, I think the best punishment for DJ is to take away his favourite doctor. I think he deserves some pathetic moping after what he has done to us"

Perry nodded. As suspected Jordon wanted him to change shifts. "I'll let Kelso know I'm changing shifts."

She raised an eyebrow. "No Perry. You'll let Kelso know you're changing departments."

Perry gaped. Maybe she was pissed at him alongside JD after all.

The thing about Jordan. The woman was quick at gaining revenge, he had to give her that. Telling him to alter departments would not only effect JD negatively, but Perry as well. The devious cow was good.

With that she swigged her drink and left the apartment. Either going on a shopping spree or collecting Jack.

Perry groaned. He should have seen it coming but things where looking even worse for him than he thought.

He knew the only placement available at the moment, and it was arguably his most hated domain in medicine.

He grabbed a scotch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented/given kudos so far. I have never posted on here before, so its such a relief that I am not being universally hated for the fic, as was my worst fear! 
> 
> This chapter was really tricky for me to write. I struggle to do Perry's perspective more than JD's and I hope the confrontation with Jordan did not feel too quick. I tried to keep it as in character as I could, and hope that comes across. I may re-read this and alter it a bit though as I am not 100% happy with it.
> 
> Please give me some feedback, I am happy to hear any ways that I can improve this, or what you are enjoying about it :)
> 
> Many thanks,
> 
> Emilace! :D


	5. Request

Perry had been anxiously waiting in the corridor outside Kelso’s office when his sweaty pion Ted arrived to announce. "Dr Kelso said you can come in now.”

Perry composed himself with a deep breath and then strode briskly toward the door with a nod, and shuddered as the other whispered into his ear. "Please keep him talking for a while, these visits are the only break I get"

Perry rolled his eyes "Will do flop sweat. Go get yourself a coffee, this will likely be a long one."

Teds pathetic expression beamed into his approximation of a smile "Yes! I will do Dr Cox, see you later" he bounced off down the corridor enthusiastically, glad to escape his bosses clutches for an extra half hour.

Perry sighed with his hand on the door, and mentally centred himself for this conversation. It was not going to be a pretty one for multiple reasons.

It had been 3 days since his confrontation with Jordan, and he was still not feeling his best for returning to work. On the other hand with Jordan's silent treatment, her forbidding him from touching a drop of alcohol and the mass of tension at home, returning to the hospital felt like the break he needed. 

Jordan was still punishing him for his misdemeanour. Her direct communication with him over the last few days had consisted solely of directions for Jack and passive aggressive comments structured to be censored from their son. When this wasn't happening, Jack felt somewhat like their mediator. 

If he heard one more 'Mummy said this Dad' he was going to shoot himself. 

He felt sick to the stomach for this conversation with Kelso, more so than communications with the other man usually instilled. He knew however that there would be no returning to Jordan’s good books without taking this step. 

Apparently, it took her bitchiness levelling out to new heights for him to appreciate the kind and civil human being she was being before now. You didn't realise how good you had it until it was gone. 

Bob as usual did not grace him with eye contact when he made it inside, instead focused on his signing of documents. It was only when he took a seat that the old coot glanced up and gave him his usual fake smile. 

"Perry, good to see you back to full health." He grinned at Perry for approximately 5 seconds before it dropped to a scowl. "Now obviously I am aware of the importance of mental health for my employees, so I won't Labour this too much, but I hope you are aware how despicable it was that you turned up drunk to work. If a member of the board had been present at the hospital... " 

Bobbo's voice was raising the more he spoke, scowl becoming more and more pronounced. 

Perry interrupted him with a loud whistle." Yes yes yes, I get it Bob. I should be incredibly ashamed, the hospital could have been sued, yada yada yada." Perry mimed this on his hands whilst he talked, doing an impression of the older doctors gruff voice. He gave an apologetic look for a moment, and then morphed it into a shark like grin to deliver his request. "Now what I really think we should get to it my transfer from the department."

Kelso's mouth was poised ready to argue back at Perry's insubordination before the word 'transfer'. At this point Bob's mouth snapped shut and the look of anger was instantly replaced by one of disbelief. "Transfer?"

Perry rolled his eyes." Glad to see those ears of yours aren’t too destroyed just yet. Yep transfer." Kelso glared. "Now I'd really appreciate it if there is somewhere other than Paediatrics to go to. I know how versed in crying and whining I am, but it would be just peachy if I can escape from the patients doing it as well as those fresh from diapers residents you decide to hire."

Kelso’s lip was flapping in disbelief, clearly not expecting the turn this conversation had taken. It would have been amusing if Perry didn't feel so damn close to throwing up at the prospect of where this transfer would be taking him. He finally composed himself after a moment, and his face settled on the usual expression when in Perry's presence. Anger. 

"I know you just love to make my life hell on a daily basis, but I didn't realise pranking me had made it onto your list of ways to piss me off. Stop this joking now, you are not getting a transfer." He flipped his hand in a dismissive motion and returned to his paperwork. He clearly thought the request was a diversion tactic and didn't believe him. 

Perry growled in frustration at being ignored. "I'm not joking Bobbo. I need to transfer departments as soon as possible." he crossed his arms and looked directly at the other man. He was getting the seriousness in this across. 

Kelso heaved a sign and stood up. He marched around the desk and flapped his arms at Perry to get him out of his chair. "Enough of this ridiculousness. Is this a ploy to get me to celebrate the fact you returned and hail your mighty doctor-hood?" He gave Perry a mock sincere smile. "Perry it has been most awful here without you around." The smile transformed into a scowl. "Now get out and get back to work" he attempted to yank him up by his lab coat. 

Perry growled at the other. "Bob! Stop it." He looked up at the other man, and tried to convey how serious he was through his expression, dropping the smile and giving him a serious frown. "I can't explain why, but I have to move departments. I am completely serious about this."

Kelso stilled his yanking.

He looked at Perry for a moment, as though waiting for the joke. When it never came he brushed his lab coat and swept back to his chair, this time poised with his arms on the desk and granting Perry his full attention, eyebrow raised. "You really want to transfer?" 

When Perry nodded in response, the older man sighed deeply before looking seriously across. "Perry." He sighed again and shifted in the chair, clearly uncomfortable with whatever he planned to say. "You may be the biggest pain in my ass, but you know as well as I do that you are the best doctor I have in this place." He gestured around the walls of the hospital. He then grimaced; it was clearly paining him to give compliments to the other. "Not to mention the only person who keeps those damn interns in line." His pained expression morphed to anger. "Why in the hell would I let you move department's when you know I have no one who can replace you?" 

Perry felt a sinking in his stomach. He had hoped that the old bastard wouldn't question the motives and rather not care about the request, giving his usual dismissive act in response. 

Apparently, it took threatening to move to get the compliments he wanted from the other. It was a shame it was the one time he agreed with the man that his request was ludicrous.

He agreed completely with Kelso, his role was one of the trickiest and he was damn good at it. No one could step into his shoes yet, and in all honesty, he loved his job and didn't want to move either. 

He mentally thought over possible responses. 

1) Tell Kelso to blow it out his ass. If he is the best doctor he should give him what he wants and stop asking damn questions. He knew there would be arguments at this, but he is confident through stubbornness alone he would likely get his way. 

2) Tell Bob that having Jack had changed his outlook and he wanted a calmer role with less stress. He grimaced at this and immediately dismissed this option. It would be believable from anyone but Perry, and no matter the cost he couldn't bring himself to appear to have gone 'soft' all of a sudden. 

3) Tell the truth. Or a version of it at least. 

Normally number 1 would always win, but the fact the old bastard had been nice to Perry (or the Bob Kelso version of nice) he would bite the bullet and go with 3. Not to mention the fact Jorderoo could always change her mind and decide to blow his exploits up to the hospital. It would be good to have some form of an ally in dealing with this. 

Perry must truly be desperate if he was contemplating having Kelso as his ally. 

Whist considering his options Perry rubbed his face aggressively before posing with his arms behind his head. The 'upset' pose was necessary to deal with this conversation. 

"I..." He paused and grimaced. It was physically painful to admit this to anyone, but Bob was probably up there with the worst. Right behind Jordan. "I slept with another doctor." he eventually admitted. He immediately scowled and visually challenged Kelso, gearing up for the response. 

If Perry thought Kelso looked shocked by the initial request to leave, it was nothing compared to the shock at this admission.

There was silence for a few moments before Kelso opened his mouth. His first response was "who...?" however the question got stopped by Perry's glare.

After a few minutes Bob composed himself. "Look, I recognise this is a difficult situation, but I think it's slightly extreme to leave because of this. Worst case we can always move your shifts to avoid bumping into this... Person." Clearly Bob's son was having an impact if he didn't immediately assume it was a female doctor. Perry was silently grateful, he had a good poker face but he feels it may have given it away if Bob mentioned 'woman'.

Perry sighed."Jordan knows, and she is demanding that I move." He grimaced again and forcefully rubbed his eyes. It was difficult to admit how much power the she devil has over him. He had been doing that alot this week, and was getting used to headaches being a part of the daily norm. 

At this Bob became angry. "For god sake Perry. Why the hell would you tell Jordan that? Can't you keep the affairs quiet like the rest of us. It's best for all parties involved." 

Perry shot Bob a look of judgement. "Just because you do that to Judith doesn't mean we can all be psychopaths." He growled. "I didn't realise you became my Marriage counsellor, are the bills coming out my pay check? " he asked sarcastically. 

Bob had the decency to look slightly cowed for a second. 

He considered Perry for a moment. It was then clear that the shock had faded and he was considering how to solve this issue. The expression morphed into his familiar scowl. "Fine. I see why you want to move. And I suppose its best I am aware that one of our board members has ammo against the staff." He accusingly at Perry, and it was his turn to feel cowed. "Should I be expecting the other party to mysteriously hand in a resignation any time soon?" He asked whilst standing, clearly it was Perry's indication to be dismissed. 

Perry followed Bob to the door. Despite himself he was in agreement with others anger and the fight was drained out of him. It was a real shit show all around both for him and the hospital and he could understand the dismissal. 

He sighed, as was becoming his habit. "Not that I am aware of, but who knows what will happen next. Jordan still has time to change that after all."

Before opening the door Bob looked at him rather intently, his expression hard to read. Perry was surprised when rather than anger Bob spoke the next with a hint of sympathy. "Look Perry, normally I don't give a rats ass what you do outside these hospital walls." the serious expression was back, and Perry wished for the ground to open below him. He wasn't sure he was ready for a 'heart to heart' with the devil himself but given the situation he didn't have reams of choices. He listened despite himself." I know that this is rather out of character for you, so I'm going to assume whiskey was involved?" 

Perry felt a rush of shock. How the hell had the old bastard known that? 

His expression must have reflected his thoughts, because he didn't reply but Bob continued." In the space of a week you came to work drunk, almost put a patient at risk and now you come and ask to move departments." he looked at Perry seriously, eyebrow raised, clearly making a point. "I know you are a massive pain in my ass, but normally you are a responsible pain in the ass. Are you noticing a theme here?" 

The silent question was "Do you think drinking is the problem" and it instantly got his back up. Perry stopped listening and gripped the door handle, ready to yank the door and March out. Bob held the door on him and prevented his escape. He let out a growl and prepared to rant when he saw the concern reflected in the old man's eyes.

"I know you won't take me up on it, but I know people who can help with this if you want it." he stated simple, voice gruff.

Perry considered the offer for approximately two seconds before he responded. "Blow it out your ass Bob" he stated simply and turned his attention back to the door raging.

He heard Kelso sigh deeply. "Suit yourself." he took his hand off the door and allowed Perry to pull it open.

Perry was ready to run out the room when he swore realising, he had not got the response to his initial request. When he looked back Kelso was already seated again and starting back on his paperwork.

"Have I got the go ahead for the transfer then?"

Kelso did not look up whilst he replied. "Yep." He looked at him again, and smiled rather evilly. "You are right, Paediatrics is the only placement we have available." He gave a cheery wave towards Perry, their early conversation forgotten. "Enjoy those diaper changes."

Perry growled deeply, dragged the door open and marched out into the corridor. He shot the old man the finger as he left.

Perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many of you guessed right? Also, does anyone know which part of the hospital they are actually in, because I was not able to find out online?
> 
> Again no JD I apologise, but don't worry he returns next chapter I promise :). 
> 
> I personally love the relationship between Kelso and Dr Cox so hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I actually contemplated adding more to this but felt I should post as life got in the way of my schedule for posting which I am sorry about 🙈 I will try and return to the weekly posts!


	6. Spread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post a larger word count for you all after being slightly stingy as of late. Perry's news spreads and JD returns this chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)

Just as Perry had predicted the news that he was moving to Pediatrics soon spread like wildfire. He had deliberately kept it quiet that he had returned to work, yet somehow at every turn whispering was in his wake. Even his usual angry aura was not enough to stop the spread.

It was likely flop sweat who had spread the word, because every time he saw Ted the man had paled and ran into the nearest elevator. On a usual basis Perry would have punished him for this, however he was too busy with important matters to give the man the intimation required for such an offence.

Busy matters like avoiding the only people brave enough to confront him on his move. 

First to find a way through his defenses was of course Carla.

She managed to find him approximately 4 hours into the shift. He was impressed he had dodged her for this long, but fortunately he was well versed in the spots she frequented. He had ironically been using the nursing station closer to Pediatrics in his bid to avoid her.

He was in the middle of reading a patient’s chart when he was first cornered. “Perry!” He couldn't help his head flying up at his name, and then silently cursed when he saw his female best friend. "What the hell is this I hear about you moving to Pediatrics?" she approached him angrily, finger waving as she marched across the hall. Clearly she had heard the news. "You tell Kelso you want to move before you discuss this with me, what the hell are you thinking?"

Perry grimaced and studiously avoided her eyes by pretending to read the chart. All he managed to get from it was 'kidney stones' as he felt his heart racing. There were few people in the world that scared him, but unfortunately Carla was one of them. It was probably the main reason he was friends with her.

"Oh, hi there Carla. I haven't seen you since being back, did I miss much while I was off?" he said in an innocent tone. He knew she wouldn't buy this, but he had to gain time to escape.

Her rage amplified at his attempt of deflection. "Don't 'hi Carla' me, answer my question Perry, why the hell are you moving to Pediatrics?" she raged, the Latina’s anger in full flow.

Luckily at that moment Dr Beardface approached Carla to ask for her assistance with a patient, clearly not reading the anger of their exchange. Perry silently thanked the awkward man and made his escape whilst he could. He gave his friend an apologetic expression and shrugged whilst running toward his kidney stones patient. Her eyes were fire as he retreated, and he knew she would find him later.

He continued the rest of the shift watching out for his friend and making any excuse to avoid her. Unfortunately, he was so vigilant for avoiding Carla he did not think to watch out for her bowling ball of a husband as well.

He’s just dismissed his interns onto their rounds when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turned angrily, ready to yell at an intern for sneaking up on him when he was confronted by Ghandi arms crossed and eyebrow raised. Perry boils in frustration at the interruption. He growls and gets ready to move away from the man but is interrupted by the others accusatory tones.

"Why do you keep running from Carla? You know this does not end well for you.”

Perry rolled his eyes and attempted to march away from the other man. Ghandi grabs his arm and pulls him back. Big mistake. Perry forcefully grabs Turk’s arm and shoves it away. "You better watch what you're doing there baldly."

Turk sighed deeply. "Look man, you know if it was up to me, I do not care where you work or what you do." It was very clear from his tone that he was being forced into this conversation, and what he was saying was true. "But you know as well as I do that Carlo won't quit until she gets answers. More importantly Carla won't quit pestering me about this until you give her answers." He pointed at himself and then towards Perry to emphasize the point. He then shrugged and began to walk away. "It’s up to you how you handle this. But your life is going to be hell unless you come up with something to tell her.” He stated simply.

Perry groaned. As damn annoying as it was to admit he knew that gumball was right. Carla was a woman with determination, and if she wanted something, she knew how to get it. He was denying the inevitable by avoiding her.

The only positive he had from today is Newbie was off shift (and he may have timed this return for exactly that reason). He has been having none stop texts from the other man and he knew there was no way he could keep ignoring him face to face. It was bad enough running from Carla all day without adding a lost puppy JD into the mix.

Perry mentally slapped himself in the face. He knew he was being ridiculous by avoiding his best friend, and he needed to rip of the band aid and speak to her about this.

It was on his way to confront Carla and explain the change when Blondie was the next to corner him.

"Dr Cox, wait!” Barbie had spotted him and done a complete u-turn in order to follow him down the corridor. Her voice was in high pitched confrontation mode and he felt his temples pulsing in response. “You really need to speak to Carla about this move to Pediatrics! As much as I don't like you, for some reason you are one of her best friends and its killing her that you haven't told her about this move. I remember one time in college when my best friend..."

He had been marching swiftly away from her during her little speech, but the woman was surprisingly fast. He rolled his eyes stopped abruptly, and whistled loudly to get her to stop talking. It worked, and he silently celebrated the pause in the high-pitched drivel.

"You can quit your yapping Barbie, I already got it from Ghandi." He looked at the other with a threatening glare, daring her for the speech to continue. She remained surprisingly quiet and he congratulated himself. "I am going to speak with Carla, so you can go on your merry way now." He flicked his fingers at her in a shoo motion, giving her a sarcastic smile.

This Barbie ignored. He was surprised to see her expression morph into a beaming smile. "Well in that case, congratulations on your move Dr Cox, it's so exciting you are moving to work in Pediatrics! "

Perry blinked startled at her change in tone. At her cooing he rolled his eyes and continued his walk toward where he thought Carla would be. All the way Barbie was prattling in his ear, clearly more excited than he was about working with all the 'cute babies', and how it would be a good move for him to build character.

Due his begrudging connections to the blonde woman he let her go on for a good five minutes in silence. Unfortunately, when she mentioned how upset she knew JD would be when he heard about the move it was the last he was willing to listen to.

He whistled again to stop her talking. Barbie glared but went quiet in response. "As delightful as this has been, I have to get going now to speak to your sorority sister, so if you could skedaddle that would be just great."

Elliot deflated for a second, clearly disappointed at his dismissal before it turned to a glare. He knew that if she had that ridiculous fringe she would be blowing it angrily from her face now. "Fine." she muttered before starting down the corridor, clearly in a huff.

He felt a small sense of guilt at her moody retreat. He knew now that between moving departments and avoiding her gal pal he would be seeing much less of the other doctor. Although the overriding feeling was relief about this, he couldn't help the tiny sliver of disappointment. Despite himself he knew they had a grudging sort of respect and he felt he should acknowledge the kindness. As annoying as the other was, she had been the only person to show any sort of positivity about the situation, and a part of him was a tiny bit grateful.

"Barbie" She stopped slowly and glanced around, looking surprised at his call. He sighed deeply and grimaced, gearing himself up. "Thanks" he muttered through gritted teeth, feeling physical pain at the word.

Barbies glare transformed instantly into a beaming smile. She knew the significance from him of the small acknowledgment. She gave a jaunty little wave. "You're welcome, good luck with Carla."

She had more of a skip in her step when she continued on down the corridor.

He smiled reluctantly, before quickly shaking the pleasant feeling away. The emotions of this week must be playing havoc with him if he felt happy at having at least one person being nice towards him. It was even more astounding that Barbie was the culprit for the pleasant feeling.

He looked towards the on call door and the pleasant feeling was short lived. Time to chat to Carla.

_____

As he had expected for the time of day Carla was sat on the sofa in the on call room. She appeared to be watching a soap of some sort which she instantly turned off upon his entrance.

She didn’t speak, which he was grateful for, but rather gave his a simple eyebrow raise as he walked past her and seated himself on the opposite sofa. Clearly, she had figured out her minions had done their bidding and seemed unsurprised by his visit.

When sitting down he instantly placed both hands behind his head and spread his arms in his classic pose of despair. He was sick of these emotional conversations but knew it was the only way he would get peace.

He also felt slightly relieved to be speaking to his friend. The usual person he turned to for comfort was Jordan, so with her out the picture at present it felt good to speak to a friendly face.

Despite this he struggled to start the conversation.

They sat in silence for several moments, Carla simply looking at him expectantly. Clearly, she was making him suffer for ignoring her.

After painful silence he caved and spoke first. "So, I am moving departments."

She gave him a look which screamed ‘ _really?_ ’, and he signed.

"I know this is probably out the blue for you." another look of disbelief. "I only decided to do this a couple of days ago, so it's why I didn't tell you about it first."

The silence returned and Perry sighed. Normally he couldn't get his friend to be quiet, it was very disconcerting. "Well are you going to say anything?"

This did it. "Are you going to tell me why?" He looked directly at her, she sounded strangely emotional about this and almost appeared tearful. Not the reaction he had expected in this conversation. "Perry we have worked together for damn near 15 years. You love it in the ICU, why would you leave?"

Perry squirmed slightly in his seat at the question. The main reason behind his avoidance today was the hope that he would not have to answer this.

He had been debating with himself for days about what to tell Carla, and still felt uncertain.

On the one hand, the woman was known to be a gossip who couldn’t keep a secret if her life dependent on it. From this perspective lying to her and using the current stress as an excuse would be perfect for him to avoid any potential spread of this information. He could tell her Pediatrics would be calm for him, and he couldn’t handle the hit of constant deaths in the ICU. It would be over and done with without question.

On the other hand, she was one of the only people he trusted and respected. One thing which Perry was not comfortable with was lying, and to lie to Carla about something so significant felt awful. As much as others may disbelieve this, he did have a conscience and it was acting up big time at the prospect of keeping such a huge secret.

In the end honesty won out.

"I slept with someone else." He stated simply, biting the bullet with minimal information.

Carla of course had the expected response, pure shock.

"You slept with someone else?" She repeated, hoping she had misheard. When Perry didn't protest, the anger was back. She stood up, as though walking would make sense of what she heard, and was pacing in anger as she talked, arms waving forcefully. "How could you do something like that to Jordan? Especially after how you felt when she did the same to you. I can't believe you. Do you have any idea how horrible that is?”

Perry growled and swiped his hand over his face in frustration. "I know. Believe it or not I know I am scum for this, and it's why I need to leave to make it better."

“And another thing…” Carla looked ready to continue her rant at him, when his sentence registered. She stopped, and her face became confused. "Hang on, why would leaving the department make it better?"

Perry grimaced. He had hoped she wouldn't notice that part.

When he didn't say more Carla put the pieces together. "It's someone here isn't it?" she whispered, and suddenly glanced around suspiciously as though waiting for the person to pop up.

Perry tried to keep a straight face. He didn’t respond to this question, but that was answer in and of itself.

Carla paled in surprise. "But who..."

She went quiet for a moment and Perry faced her in concern. It was never good news when a person went quiet at a time like this. During conversations like this quiet meant figuring things out.

“What?” He shouted angrily when the silence continued.

Her shocked expression turned to one of awareness. She looked toward him rather seriously. “It was JD wasn’t it?”

It was Perry's turn to feel shocked. "What the hell..." He started feeling flustered. How the hell would she guess it was Cynthia?

Carla had a look of realization, clearly her mind was whirring away. "He has been acting so strange these past few days. He keeps telling us everything is fine, but I knew something had happened."

Perry felt sick, he had not planned on Carla getting the details of who he had slept with. He pulled himself in line and attempted to be outraged at her accusation. He could not have her figuring this out. "Don't be ridiculous Carla. Why the hell would I sleep with Tiffany of all people?"

Carla did not look like she was listening to his protests. "I mean it all makes sense now! It was after he went to comfort you that he started acting weird, and I never heard more from Jordan after that either." she was clearly thinking aloud, and nothing he could say would stop her. "You got drunk and slept together didn't you." She stated rounding on him and pointing an accusing finger.

Damn that woman was smart. He found himself flapping his lips like a fish, shocked at the turn the conversation had taken. He didn't have a second to respond before she became angry again.

"Why the hell would you do that to JD? You absolute idiot Perry, you know how much he idolizes you, he is going to be crushed!"

Before Perry could stop himself he was yelling back. His heckles raising at the idea he had somehow taken advantage of the other man. Although they were both drunk, it was very clear that JD had been an active participant in all of this, and he was outraged at the implication otherwise. "Well Patricia was not exactly an innocent party in all of this, he knows the situation as well."

He realizes a second after saying it what he had revealed and felt instant regret. Before he could take anything back Carla was immediately up and running to the door. Clearly on a mission to share her news. "Carla wait!"

He quickly ran to the door ahead of her, and pushed it closed before she could open it and escape.

"Wait." He repeated. He knew she must be shocked by the news, and he projected a calm expression to get her to relax.

She glared at him, but something in his expression must have softened her because she quickly stopped fighting. Carla sighed and then re-took a seat in her previous spot.

He sighed in relief and returned to his own seat. He returned to his mournful pose to explain himself further. "Look, I know why you are pissed at me. I am pissed at me too, I have completely screwed Jordan as well as myself with all of this." He saw Carla open her mouth again ready to interject. He sighed again. "And Newbie too." He rubbed his hair and glanced away, uncomfortable with what he was saying next. “I didn’t mean for this to happen Carla. I lost complete control.”

Carla glared. She was clearly angry on behalf of Jordan in relation to all this. “How do you just ‘lose control’ and sleep with somebody? Let alone JD of all people!”

That is the question isn’t it? He thought silently. He had been asking himself the same thing over the last few days and was still unsure of the exact answer.

Perry attempted to give his best to explain. He remained staring into the corner of the room whilst doing so, feeling too exposed to share eye contact. “You know as well as I do that this has been a hard few weeks for me.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Hell Carla, I swear I was close to handing my notice in, never mind leaving the department. I have not taken it that hard about patients for a long time, a really long time.” He sighed deeply, and felt the familiar chasm in his chest even talking about the rabies patients. "The only way I can explain it, is Newbie helped me" He shook his head in disbelief. “The little rat bastard got through to me Carla, and it was the first time I didn’t feel awful about myself all week.”

Carla remained silent whilst he talked. He was burning to see how his words were landing, but felt so uncomfortable with what he was saying he couldn't face eye contact. “We got drunk together. It was in no way planned and I can barely remember any of it, we were so far gone."

He didn't specify what they did in their drunken states, but he didn't have to. He didn't get any response and he finally looked toward his friend. He was pleased to see her anger had faded slightly, she looked slightly more understanding. He continued.

"Of course I had to tell Jordan. It was a one time slip up and I had to be honest." He sighed mournfully. "Unfortunately, she thought the best solution to this is to keep me as far away from the kid as I could get."

Carla finished things for him. "Leaving the department." He nodded. "And what about JD? How is he with all this?"

Perry winced, he knew she would be unhappy with the next part. "Well I haven't spoken to him since." Carla's rage instantly returned, and he quickly spoke before she could start on him. “Oh gimme a break Carla. You know Jordan has eyes like a hawk. Do you really think I should piss her off more by keeping in contact with the guy I cheated with?”

Carla let out a humph in response but she knew he was right. Jordan had to be his priority to save their relationship.

Carla was silent for a while considering him." Fine, I see your point. But now the whole hospital knows you’re moving departments you have to tell JD." Her eyes flashed with concern. "He's going to be devastated."

There was a knowing feeling of guilt at that, which he quickly dismissed as anger. He knew damn well the kid would be upset, and he was pretty upset himself if he was being honest. Despite his protests otherwise, this team was practically family and he'd hardly see them in his new role. Which was of course the point, but didn't stop him being angry. He thought about arguing with Carla, but he knew she was right. He had to let him know before he was back in work tomorrow.

"I’ll send him a message.” He agreed reluctantly.

She still looked pissed but was somewhat placated by the agreement. "Good."

She stood again, looking ready to return to work. He stopped her urgently. "Woah Carla, you cannot tell anyone about this."

Carla put her hands-on hips. She hmphed in offence. "What do you take me for? I only planned on telling Turk, and maybe Elliot. No one else."

He stood to join her, hands waving in protest. “Woah woah woah, are you out of your mind, they are the worst people you could tell about this! I already have my ex-wife down my ass, I don’t need your gumball of a husband at me too. Beating me up for touching his woman.”

The rage from earlier returned. She glared angrily at his crack about Turk. "I can't keep this from Turk and Elliot, they will know I am hiding something!"

Perry silently cursed, he knew he should not have told Carla about this. He should have trusted his initial instincts.

To be fair he had no intention of revealing the identity of the person he had cheated with. It was just damn unfortunate that the woman had a mind like an ox when it came to gossip.

An idea struck. "Think how upset Newbie will be if you tell his husband before he gets to? You can’t do that to him can you Carla" he said innocently, voice of mock concern.

Carla frowned. "Quit the crap with that caring tone, you want to protect yourself not Bambi!"

Perry couldn't help but smirk slightly. "True, but you know I'm right."

Carla looked frustrated but clearly torn. "Fine, I'll keep it to myself. But speak to Bambi!" she jabbed him in the chest for emphasis.

She stormed out the room.

Perry sighed and sat down. Despite the stress he felt relieved at how the exchange had gone. Although she was clearly pissed off, she had not been demanding that they cut their ties as he had initially feared.

He suddenly wondered why the other woman had not been more shocked about the revelation. Although shocked at him cheating on Jordan, she had been somewhat indifferent to who he had cheated with.

Very odd.

He reluctantly pulled out his phone. He may as well continue the theme of ripping off band aids.

He searched his contacts before he discovered 'Annabelle' in his list of contacts. There was a series of messages which he had ignored from the other.

_'How did it go?'_

_'Is Jordan going to kill me? I bet she is pissed.'_

_'Dr Cox, please tell me how it went, its driving me crazy not knowing.'_

_'Perry how did it go????'_

The texts stopped at that, and following on were a series of multiple missed calls. He felt a gnawing of guilt seeing the clear distress from the other man, but reminded himself firmly that Jordan was his priority.

He contemplated calling, however dismissed this idea immediately. He knew the other man would react strongly, which he did not have the energy for at present.

'Newbie. Jordan knows. I am moving to Pediatrics.'

He debated whether to add more pleasantries to the message, but texting was not his forte.

Nope, short and to the point would be best.

He hit send. Ripping off the band aid.

________

It was a few hours later and Perry was wandering the halls headed to the room of his patient Mr Nellis when he was grabbed from behind and dragged into the on-call room.

He spun around ready to give an earful to whoever had dared to grab him when he was confronted by Newbie. The other was flushed and panting, clearly it has been a struggle to maneuver his large physique.

He was also wearing his street clothes. Clearly the man had read his message and rushed in rather than reply via text like a rational person.

He ignored the swoop in his stomach he felt at seeing the other, and went into his 'angry' pose, spreading his legs into a wide stance and wiping his nose. Gearing up for a rant.

JD interrupted him before he could open his mouth. "Why are you moving departments?"

He glared at the other. He had several responses in mind, many centering on the fact it was not his business and that he had better have a damn good reason to drag him into the on call room. He flicked his nose again, ready to respond. Newbie flashed his baby blues in sadness and the small muscle he called a heart clenched.

Instead of ranting he sighed and sat down on the on-call bed, arms clenched at the back of his head and legs spread wide.

"Why do you think? Jordoroo did not take our little escapade well." He sighed, and rubbed his face before he raised it again glaring, front up and ready for battle. "Now want to tell me why you're in on your day off and dragging me into here." He grinned shark like. "Wanted one last taste of the big dog Cinderella?"

JD flushed before glaring. "No, I just wanted you to tell me the truth, and I knew you'd lie if I asked you out there." he nodded his head at the door out. He suddenly went sheepish, clearly realizing his reaction was extreme. "Plus you have left me to stew for 3 days! I had to give a sneak attack."

Perry sighed before standing up again. "Great. Well Newbie, you got your answer. Now let's get back out there and I save as many lives as possible eh? Better make the most of it before that death rate starts to skyrocket when I move to pediatrics, mmkay?"

He had the handle to the on-call room gripped before Newbie stopped him in his tracks.

"How is this real life?" He heard muttered behind him.

Perry turned around, ready to launch a rant at JDs theatrics before he could see how distressed the other appeared. He was gripping his hair, staring and the floor and looking on the brink of tears.

JD began to pace around the room, arms gesturing wildly as he spoke. "It's all happening so quickly. One minute you hate me, the next you're upset and I comfort you, and suddenly what, we had sex together? Now you're leaving the department. How the hell has this all happened?" He looked at Perry in complete confusion before his expression changed to a frown. "and I have to hear from a text that you're moving departments after 3 days of silence! What happened to keeping me updated when chatting to Jordan?"

JD pointed towards him angrily. “You are such an asshole. Do you have any idea how stressed I have been about this, and you won’t even let me tell Turk.”

Perry was too tired from the amount of arguments he had over the last week to even react. He sighed simply, "Finished with your little outburst?"

JD flopped onto the on call bed growling in frustration. "Will you just explain to me what the hell has happened? It's gone from questioning whether you even like me, to you going to a whole other department to avoid me. Why does Jordon even care if we work together, she must know it was a drunken mistake. It’s not going to happen again." he opened his eyes and glared at him, clearly imagining Jordon in his mind’s eye." I can talk to Jordan and promise I won't pounce on you if that's what it takes. It’s just ridiculous you have to move from the job you love because of this!"

Perry sighed again, he sat next to the other. He could see now that the kid cared and wanted to put a stop to this change. He carefully avoided looking at the other whilst formulating a response.

"Look Newbie. Jordan doesn't think you're going to pounce on me." He admitted.

JD stared in confusion; brows narrowed. "Well why do you need to move?"

Perry groaned, falling back onto the bed in frustration. He swiped a hand down his face before he spoke.

"Do I need to spell it out for you Priscilla?"

JD leant over him, pure confusion still on his face. "Spell what out!?"

Perry sighed again, contemplating his next move. He knew what would get the message across to the other most effectively. But was it worth the risk, would he be better just storming out and leaving him to stew?

He glanced up, JD was leaning over him, face a mixture of confusion and concerned. It could be one of their last shifts together before he moved, and once that happened he knew he'd be avoiding the kid as much as possible.

Fuck it.

He grabbed JD by his shirt. A look of pure panic flashed over the other doctors face as he dragged him toward him. The other let out an "oomph" noise as Perry kissed him. Hard.

JD was still at first, completely shocked. Perry loosened his grip, cradled the back of JD's soft hair in his palm, before tentatively swiping his tongue over the others mouth. Asking permission for entrance.

JD let out a mumble of confusion, before he accepted the tongue. He relaxed into the grip, clearly getting used to this, and began to kiss him back tentatively. Their tongues brushed together, and JD wrapped his arms back around him. They gripped each other and began kissing in earnest. JD moaned slightly against his lips.

Perry sighed in pain. He pushed JD away, their foreheads touching briefly before Perry pushed him away further, gripping the back on his head feeling a huge sense of guilt.

JD looked completely startled. He touched his lips in disbelief.

"That's why she wants me away" Perry growled standing up and starting to march out.

He made it three steps before a hand grabbed him.

"Wait!"

Perry groaned deep and rolled his eyes. This was getting way too "romantic clique" by the minute.

"What?" he growled.

JD was looking at him determinedly, looking serious. "You like me?" he questioned. Clearly the shock had worn off if he was being so damn bold.

Perry sighed in frustration. "How very saved by the Bell. Does that big juicy beefcake like me Ronnie?" his voice morphed high pitch, imitating a girl in earnest, complete with mock shocked expressions and hand gestures. "Oh I just don't know Suzie, I mean that sounded like what he said, but you know how complicated these men are." 'Ronnie' replied. He returned to 'Suzie'. "But he's so beautiful Ronnie, I just can't believe it. Are you really sure?" He grinned and batted his eyelashes in a girly manner.

JD stared at him, unimpressed.

"You done?"

Perry mulled it over before nodding. "Yah, I think so."

JD growled and approached Perry, suddenly looking more confident. Perry felt his pulse jump to his throat as JD corned him, pushing his back against the bunk beds.

He stated intently at him. Perry felt his pulse racing in his throat." Now enough of your ridiculous skits. I know you are doing them because you are uncomfortable, but I need it straight Perry." He paused to emphasize the seriousness of his next sentence. "Do you like me?"

Perry bit back his programmed sarcastic response. He knew the kid was right, and he deserved the truth. "Yes." He admitted, teeth gritted to hold back from saying more.

JD stared intently at him, face a picture of confusion. "Then why do you say you hate me all the time?"

Perry shrugged. "Because I do hate you."

JD gave a sceptical glance, and didn't need to say a word to express his thoughts of _“what the hell?”_

Perry sighed. "I know, it's very confusing. That's how I am." he shrugged.

JD continued to press him against the bunk beds. Neither of them spoke for a moment, Perry feeling trapped, and JD looking a mixture of confused and awed by the revelation.

"So you really are like one of those bullies in the playground." JD tilted his head curiously, seizing Perry up. "Pulling my pigtails because you can't handle liking me?"

Perry growled low. "Don't push it Da.."

He was cut off by JD kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really nervous about this chapter. Its probably my favourite so far, but I hope I remained in character with the new characters I have incorporated into this.
> 
> I'd really appreciate some comments if you are enjoying this and would like me to continue! 
> 
> I look forward to hearing your thoughts :)
> 
> Many thanks,
> 
> Emilace x


	7. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in posting the lastest chapter, and thank you very much to those who have given me Kudo's and Comments in the interim! 
> 
> I am plunged back into lockdown, which is obviously sad but on the bright side may give me incentive to actually complete this work! 
> 
> This chapter is short, however I think it packs a bit of punch in terms of drama. Enjoy!

Perry growled again for a different reason. JD had discovered those balls of his again and he was grinding them along Perry's thigh. 

  
  


It was very pleasant. 

  
  


It was like opening the floodgates, and he couldn't stop himself from kissing back in earnest despite himself. He'd been replaying their encounter for the last few days. To have the opportunity to repeat this whilst sober was something he was not strong enough to resist.

  
  


JD was making small whimpering noises against his lips, and he felt himself hardening against the others thigh, a returning hardness pushing against his in return. This was a feeling he had not had for a good few years, and damn if he hadn't missed it. 

  
  


He growled low in his throat, grabbed JD's top and switched them around, pushing JD down onto the bunk bed, following after enthusiastically.

  
  


They began kissing rather frantically on the bed. He managed to grip the bottom of JDs top, pulled it up and off over his head, and latched his mouth onto the revealed chest as soon as he could, licking and kissing. JD began moaning quietly in response, gripping his hair.

  
  


He felt JDs hands moving to his top, and was just about ready to launch it off his head when there was a banging noise at the door.

  
  


They pulled apart instantly, eyes wide and feeling that they had been doused in cold water.

  
  


Another bang was heard before Bob Kelso shouted through the door.

  
  


"Perry I know you're in there." the older man shouted. "Just because you aren't here much longer don't think you can start ignoring your pages, I am still paying your wages and expect you to be at the beck and call of our patients." He growled. "Especially the rich ones." He added, muttering.

  
  


Perry looked down and noted 3 missed pages flashing on the screen. He growled, dragging an annoyed hand through his hair in frustration. Clearly the other man was getting to him if he hadn't noticed his pager going off.

  
  


He shouted back at the chief of medicine, unafraid. "Blow it out your ass Bob, I'll be out in a minute, I stupidly thought the rest of your pions could handle things whilst I took my break. I forgot whole place fall's apart without me around"

  
  


Kelso sighed. "Good. I expect to see you in 2 minutes or I'll be back." he stated simply, and they heard him calling 'come on Ted' before presumably going off to bother someone else.

  
  


Perry returned his attention to the man below him. JD was still panting from their kissing, hair mussed more than usual, lips red and a look of confusion plastered on his face. He looked edible, and it took all of Perry's might to push himself of the bed and into a standing position.

  
  


He readjusted his clothes and picked up his stethoscope dusting it off, and was thankful that the sound of Bob Kelso would always destroy an erection. He felt a mixture of regretful and relieved at the interruption. 

  
  


He felt a weight of guilt in his stomach that this had happened again. But reassured himself that this would be the last time, because shortly he would not be seeing JD again. It confirmed to him that the move to paediatrics was necessary, if not the option he wanted. 

  
  


Meanwhile JD himself had managed to sit himself up, calm his own hair down and was looking up at Perry with a lost puppy expression.

  
  


He ignored this, cleared his throat and spoke in as neutral tone as he could muster. "As pleasant as this has been Newbie, you heard bobbo. I have to go and save some lives, so I'll be seeing you." he started towards the door, attempting to avoid looking at the other man and reaching for handle. Attempt two to leave uninterrupted. 

  
  


Of course that was never going to happen." What, so you just admit that you like me, kiss my face off, and walk out the door. What the hell Perry!?" 

  
  


Perry stopped in pace. "Stop it with the 'Perry' Newbie." he growled, attempting to rebuild the usual barriers he has in place. He looked towards the other man, determined to get the message across. This could not happen again. "Yes, what you can take from all this is that despite you making me want to rip my own ears out every time you talk, I do clearly find you somewhat attractive." JD flushed and smiled at this. It did not last when his next sentence hit. "That however is all there is to this. Do not go getting beautiful fantasies in your head of me running off from my wife and son to take you out of your beautiful tower, because that is just not going to happen princess."

  
  


JD's expression morphed into one of devastation, but Perry continued. He was on a mission to stop this ever happening again. "We got drunk, we admitted some level of attraction for each other and now we go our separate ways. Simple." He glowered at JD. "Now get the message Newbie. leave me alone, because I worked damn hard to make my relationship with Jack and Jordan work, and I will not have you getting in the way with your stupid fantasies. Got that?" He growled.

  
  


JD looked on the brink of tears for a second before his expression became blank. "Loud and clear." he muttered. 

  
  


Perry nodded, adjusted his scrubs and marched out of the room, hard face in place and ready to face his patients. 

  
  


It was only when he went into the bathroom to check himself over that he let himself feel upset. 

  
  


He knew he had been horrible to the kid, and he knew there would be negative consequences, but it was the only way to cut that link and prevent himself from slipping again. 

  
  


He was of course lying. There was more to his attraction to the other man than the physical. He also knew that if Kelso had not interrupted him and the other would have done much more than kissing, and how the hell could he keep his relationship with Jordan if he could let that happen sober? 

  
  


The only way he was going to deal with the other was to cut JD out of his life. The only way he could do so was to be as cut throat as he can, and if that meant giving JD that heartbroken expression so be it. It was best for everyone involved. 

  
  


As he washed his face to get rid of any evidence of kissing he felt a lead weight in his stomach which he had not felt since Jordan first left him. 

  
  


Why did it not feel like the best option? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahh I have brought more angst to the party.
> 
> I have no idea how this fic which started out as a bit of a crack has somehow morphed into somewhat of an emotional rollarcoaster, however that's the road the characters took me down, I apologise!
> 
> I will set a target for myself to update this in at least a months time (hopefully shorter) 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and please leave me some feedback it really helps keep me motivated :)
> 
> Thank you,
> 
> Emilace xx


	8. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Less of a wait this time thankfully! Again I want to thank people for their kind comments and your kudos, its really helping me stick with this fic.
> 
> Somehow my jaunty oneshot has escalated past the 20K word count, so sorry about that, but its kind of taken a mind of its own on me.
> 
> I shall warn you now that more angst lays ahead before it gets better. Not too much happens this chapter, and it is more of an exploration of JD's mindset again. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope that you enjoy x

After his confrontations with Dr Cox the weeks seem to pass by in a blur for JD.

The other man made it perfectly clear how much he doesn’t want to do with him, and JD for once abides by these boundaries.

Before it always felt like a sort of running joke between the two. Dr Cox would bitch about how annoying he found JD, always asked him to leave him alone and made jokes about this whenever the opportunity arose, but at the same time his actions always pointed to the opposite. He asked JD's advice, sought him above others to discuss patients with, and reluctantly comforted him when times were hard. It was their thing, and despite it all Dr Cox always filled him with a sense of warmth in his presence and he knew that deep down the other cared for him.

After the 'on call room incident' as JD was internally calling it, these feelings where so incomprehensible it felt like a spider web building up in his mind, so avoiding it seemed like the only option.

He thought that they had a complicated friendship before, but it was nothing compared to now. Before it had been sharp and pointy, and occasionally painful when the other went too far, but now it felt like a maze filled with spikes at unknown turns.

He had gone from respecting the other and holding a candle to him as a father figure, to being somewhat reluctant friends, to sleeping together drunk, and almost doing it again for a second time. It was too much for JD to handle. How on earth could the man treat him so badly, yet at the same time have a desire to rip his clothes off (and his heart along with it).

He suddenly understood why so many women bemoaned a one-night stand.

They were still working together, but it may as well have been like working with a stranger. There was a chill in the air when they were together, so intense was the feeling that JD couldn't muster the energy to pretend that everything was OK. No more jokes, no more attempts at hugging the other and no updating him of his daily dramas. Completely professional.

Of course, everyone noticed.

"Man, what is going on with you and Cox? I know the guy is always mean to you, but now it's just plain cold. What the hell dude?"

"JD, it’s been so weird with you and Dr Cox, what’s the deal? I mean the man always has a stick up his pooper, but I feel like we've gone back to intern days. He's so hostile all the time, do you know what's happened?"

“Bambie, please know if you want to talk to me about Dr Cox I am here for you.”

JD had to get more and more creative brushing their comments off as time went on. Firstly he had blamed the underlying resentment for Dr Cox’s act of coming drunk into work, but he could see the scepticism regarding this. After all, JD had been the last person to see Dr Cox after the binge and had in fact got him out the other side of it.

He had then tried to pin it on the fact the other man was leaving, and feelings of betrayal about this, but this did not make sense of why the other man was being strange towards _him._

When these explanations hadn’t seemed to cut it he had resorted to running away from the friends if the topic was raised, or changing the subject in any way he could. All of these would temporarily stop the questioning, but for some reason they would not get the hint to leave well enough alone.

The final straw happened when Elliot confronted him in front of Dr Cox.

She had sidled up to them engaged in their neutral conversations about the status of their patient. No smiles, no questions and no familiarity. Essentially a completely different JD to all that knew him. “You know, I can’t get used to this weirdness with you two.” She commented, eyebrow raised. “Dr Cox, JD won’t answer me on it, maybe you can tell me why you two are acting so strange together?”

Their neutral conversation silenced, as did everyone in the vicinity. The fact that Elliot was desperate for information enough to resort to bringing the other man into these questionings was the last straw.

Amazingly, it was not Dr Cox who replied angrily at the blonde doctor but rather JD in a fit of uncharacteristic rage.

“Elliot.” He said quietly. Threateningly. “How many times have I hinted at you to drop this?” Elliot opened her mouth to respond, and he spoke again silencing her. “Lots. Look, I know it is strange to you that I am not being all ‘buddy buddy’ with Dr Cox, and he is being even more cold to me than he usually is. But guess what? I don’t have to tell you every little detail of my life, and I don’t know why you expect any different from him. So just drop it ok?”

He stated the last part through gritted teeth, getting the message across quietly but clearly that the matter was to be left.

Elliot had started back at him in shock for what must have been a few seconds. He maintained eye contact, eyebrow raised. Elliot eventually slowly nodded.

He gave a small nod in satisfaction before glaring at everyone present for the exchange with a similar threatening look. They all returned their eyes back to what they were doing, and JD marched himself away from the situation.

He had felt Dr Cox’s eyes burning at the back of his neck.

* * *

As horrible as it had been telling Elliot off, things did improve somewhat after this. She had clearly informed Carla and Turk of the exchange, as there was a somewhat tense atmosphere the next time they were together. As they always do though, the tension faded away over the coming weeks, the questions around Doctor Cox with it.

Despite this small respite, JD felt like he was working under a lead weight. He was a talker, and as much as it could sometimes be annoying, the reason he held a sunny disposition most of the time is because he talked through what was bothering him. Hiding this secret from his friends alongside maintaining this frosty professional façade with Dr Cox was driving him insane and he felt like he was close to suffocating. 

The only bright spark in those 5 weeks was his budding friendship with Dr Briggs, a recently single urologist.

He had worked with her on a patient and they had hit it off brilliantly. He was seeking her out more and more at work. She didn’t ask questions about Dr Cox, she didn’t probe into his life and he didn’t have to put on any fake smiles because frankly she took his mind off the whole situation.

Kim was like a plaster on a gaping wound. She wasn’t healing him completely from this upset, but she certainly helped cover it up from the eyes of others around him.

A few weeks pass. Slowly his friends stop asking him about the problems revolving around Dr Cox. He continues to keep on the façade, and in some ways its easier (when he is around Kim, or being his old self around his friends), but in some ways the chasm in his crest grows and grows (when he sees Dr Cox’s easy laughter with Carla, when the man enters a room without looking at him or when he leaves the hospital without a goodbye).

There is 1 week left before Dr Cox leaves the ICU, and in a desperate attempt to plug the gap, he asks Kim on a date.

* * *

Their date is amazing. They go horseback riding together, and Kim comes back to the hot tub with him at his half acre.

They have easy conversation, laughter, and JD has much fun in his hot tub with a beautiful woman. You couldn’t write a better date.

They go to sleep spooning under JD’s sleeping bag, and its perfect. He is happy, she is great and JD feels contentment.

Unfortunately this does not last.

JD wakes up the next day to the sight of the back of a blond female head, narrow shoulders and delicate pale skin. Immediately like a flash he pictures a similar incident of seeing broader shoulders, darker skin and wild curly hair.

This reminder sends an unbearable stabbing sensation in his chest. In a panic he rolls away from Kim in case she wakes up and sees the painful expression on his face. He reminds himself firmly that he is being ridiculous, chastising himself that he is lucky to be in the arms of a beautiful woman and to drop these ridiculous memories of Dr Cox.

Why the hell does this make the pain worse?

He has been trying with all his might to drop this. Write the friendship off with Dr Cox, write everything off. The man was helpful for JD while training to be a doctor, and he occasionally still offered him that support sure, but aside from that what was he really missing not having the other man in his life?

JD has been repeating these words as a mantra to himself this whole time. It’s how he’s been getting through these cold conversations, through the constant questions and through the feelings of stress. Pushing down those doubts, and pushing away any thoughts that this is a _mistake_. After all, how can you miss a man who treats you like garbage?

Somehow this peace with Kim, a finally pleasant night amongst the crap has let down his walls and he is hit with emotion.

He quickly pulls himself further away from the other as he feels himself start to hyperventilate. Luckily, he has experience in hiding his upset, as he is able to take the quiet breaths necessary to prevent the tears streaming down his face turning into full blown sobs.

The emotions hit him like a wall. The sadness, the rage, the confusion and above all the sense of missing the other man.

It’s slightly ridiculous, as he knows the other is still there. They saw each other yesterday, but their sense of closeness has evaporated like water and that’s what is causing the tide.

He finally lets himself feel and think about what he has been repressing for weeks. His mind fills with questions, each one fuelling that whirlpool in his stomach. How the hell can he just drop our friendship like that? How can he sleep with me and run away? Why the hell did this happen? What is Jordan thinking right now?

More and more and more the questions flood him, and all the while he is crying quietly to himself while Kim sleeps beside him totally oblivious.

The crying and the racing thoughts go on for a solid 20 minutes at least but the tears cleanse him, and with it he becomes determined.

Despite his flaw’s Dr Cox has been one of his best friends for the past five years. The man is one of the people responsible for who JD as a person, and certainly a big factor in why he is an amazing doctor. This incident has revealed an attraction to the man he didn’t know existed sure, but that doesn’t mean they have to stop being friends and it’s ridiculous that it has become so.

Suddenly it doesn’t matter that it’s 7 in the morning and he has a beautiful woman in his bed, JD has the sense that he must visit the other now and resolve things. 

He very nearly gets up and leaves, but soon realises how ridiculous it would be to do this. Last time he ran into a situation with the other man things had got even worse for them. No, he would calm himself down and play out the morning with Kim.

He wiped the tears away, calmed his breathing and went to wash his face in the sink. Despite this upset, he felt the best he had in weeks getting it all off his chest and a sense of resolve was coming over him to fix this.

JD was determined not to lose this friendship.

He would confront Dr Cox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter. All the others have been quite close together (in terms of the timeline), but obviously this is over the course of several weeks so I hope it doesn't feel too rushed? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts about that. 
> 
> Just to clarify, I am trying to interlace the old timeline with the current timeline. Although I didn't go into it, the usual events that happened with Kim and JD did take place in this fic, but I thought most of it wasn't relevant to the story as a whole which is why I didn't go into it. 
> 
> I'd love to hear any thoughts/comments about this chapter and look forward to reading them :)
> 
> Many thanks,
> 
> Emilace xx


End file.
